Midnight on the 26th of Dec and I still dont desire to go to bed. It has been a week and a half since Rupali passed away and I have not even come close to putting it in perspective. My inside tells me to do nothing right now, it seems like happiness has disappeared somewhere.
I am trying to find ways to keep myself busy and creative, hence a lot of time in the studio just playing music, mixing away trying to think out of the box and getting comfortable with Serato. Had it not been for Elad I would have probably made the switch to using Serato, owe him big time.
My sadness goes and comes in waves with no plausible explanation at all. There are times when I am happy, and other times when I feel like I am sitting in the biggest void imaginable. I dragged myself to watch Ghajini today, there is something about watching a movie alone, its just peaceful and I can feel what I want to just my emotions.
I cannot explain these to anyone even myself. Ghajini was very good and the music good, Rahman is still best and remains my favourite music director of all times. I hope I get to meet the man and touch his feet someday, the man is a genius and geniuses like him happen once in a lifetime.
I am listening to Kaise Mujhe over and over again, there is something soothing about this song, its just....
Thoughts have been racing in my mind about where my music career is headed and I feel like I am in this race against time to get somewhere, contribute something to the music world, who knows what lays ahead of me.
Christmas dinner was fabulous and I am lucky to have such great friends, though I still felt alone tonight, sad and missing my friend dearly.
4 days to New Year's Eve and the nervousness grows, I feel the burden of expectation eating me from inside to perform well for all the people coming out to enjoy the magical world of Indian music.
Remains to be seen what unfolds in 4 days.
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